Wednesday, January 15, 2014

On Being Vulnerable

I was talking with my mom yesterday about how I need to blog more. I am reluctant. Is there only so much of myself that I can put out there or should I be an open book?
As a painter, I put my images on Facebook, often times before they are done, for everyone I know to see. Then I immediately regret it. Then I get feedback, which is usually helpful. I make adjustments, and re-post. Then I regret it. No matter what the response it, I want to take it down. Sometimes I do.
The most recent painting I posted was a self portrait. This kind of painting (for me) is probably the most difficult thing to do. Not only is it tricky to really "see" myself and make a painting that has a remote likeness and personality and aliveness, but it could possibly be the essence of vulnerability. I have the urge to share it with the world and a nagging inner voice to hide it away forever. I suppose it's how I generally feel in the world. Notice me! Stop looking at me!
Turns out I care way too much what everyone thinks. Who knew?!
Blogging is just another avenue of being vulnerable. I will try to keep it up, you know, to push my "comfort zone", or whatever.

It's taking everything in me to not delete all of this.
Anywho, this: